Never Let Go
I woke up from my nap today and finally decided to do something about my life. For so long I've talked about going back to God but there's a part of me that always stopped half way. I picked up the Bible on my nightstand and began to read. But really, when you haven't picked up the Bible for months, where do you really start? I flipped to one of the tabs that I had marked and on it was written, "Daily" so I'm guessed that it was a place I started to read. It's really amazing that God is so awesome. Some times I think that he just likes to show off about how cool he is. The words in the chapter didn't make me cry or fall to my knees. But it was definitely something that is pushing me more than half way.
Obviously there were a number of verses that stood out to me but today, here it is.
"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone." The first time I read this, I was just like, ok cool he died for me and everyone in this world, I knew that already. But after reading it a few times more, I noticed that it was "by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone" people never associate death with glory and honor...
It's time that the journey begins once again. My ride is here, where's yours?
Hebrews 2
Come Together
This post might be meaningless and pointless, but all you need to know is that I want to be me again. I would give anything to be the old me. If you've lost your way and somehow found it, please share the secret.
iwashappy
Two Worlds Collide
Oh look at the date! It's Thankful Tuesday!
I am very, actually, beyond thankful for Homer and Erhna. I know it sounds cheesy to be thankful for my parents, but I mean it. My parents have gone through so many trials but they've made it through each and everyone together and always gave the glory to God. It's no wonder that my family is so blessed. Almost all the furniture downstairs were new and free given to us for random reasons. We've received free cars multiple times. And it's amazing that Love actually is what kept our family together. My parents have been married for almost 25 years and I wouldn't be surprised if they're still in love with each other.
Homer. Most people call him Homer, but I just know him as dad. And what's really cool about my dad is that his chinese name means center hearted.. uh I don't know how to translate that. But basically it means that what ever he does, he does it whole heartedly which is completely true about his personality. He is always helping the people around him. He is the first one to be at a place he is always ready to serve. My dad has gone through a lot in his life and all I can do is admire and take what he has done in his life and try to be half the person that he is. A lot of people don't fully appreciate all the things that he does and I'll admit at times, I'm one of them too. But he is really a great man and even I've seen him grown into a real man of God. And I am proud to have him as my dad. Yeah, I'm totally lucky to have two loving dads.
Erhna. My mom is special. She is so talented and I'm so glad that she found what she loves to do and is doing that. She is an artist and I don't believe her sometimes, but she used to be a dancer. hahah Just a random thing. She is so loving and funny and she knows what it means to be a woman. When I got in trouble and got disciplined by my mom, I used to wish that I was born into a different family. But now, I'm thinking, What the hell was I saying? My mom's the greatest! She's been with this family through ups and downs. Though I still haven't completely learned from the lessons that she wants me to learn from life, I know that she's there to help me all of the way. I love it when my mom laughs at random things that aren't funny. And I'm glad that we don't get into arguments anymore. She really respects me and tries to treat me as an adult and I fully appreciate all the times that she's yelled at me to make me a better person. Moms are the best! Don't you ever forget it.
At the end of the day, we have our families. No matter how many times you messed up in the past, they look past that. They love you for who you are, and they do what they do for the best. They know what's good for you and they care about you more than anyone in the world. God has brought my family together in so many different ways and for that, I am thankful. I love my parents. Now, go love on yours.
Peace, Love.
Labels: erhna, family, homer, love, thankful tuesday
It'll Be Alright
So today might be the most unproductive day I've ever had. I felt like a zombie just wandering around the house not having anything to do and not caring about finding something to do. I over slept today and woke up 15 minutes before my class ended. So then I fell back asleep till 11:00. Watched some t.v. and then went back to sleep for about 2 hours. The highlight of today would be tutoring, which is sad cause I really don't like tutoring that kid. But as I'm sitting here and reflecting on the day I had, it just makes me realize even more that I don't want to live days like today. I hate not having anything to do. Sleep never was that big a deal to me and I just slept the whole day away. To have a mindless, meaningless day really is not my idea of living. Just food for thought...
hold tight, the world will turn around again tonight
Peace.
Labels: living, sleep
Let Me Fall
We all need a bit more jazz in our lives.
Well, I was gone for a bit... These past few days were just full of chillingness and loads of sugar. But I don't think I've completely accepted the fact that I must rely on God rather than the people, or things that He has given me. Besides chilling and eating candy these past few days, the time of reflection and the steps that I'm taking to surrender are moments that I wish could be slowed down enough for me to take in everything. Wow I don't even know if that made sense...oh well.
I want to repent and know that I am forgiven and I want to surrender everything I have. I want to give all I own, all I am to Him. I want to sacrifice all I can.
Short post... here's a song.
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I cry a little, die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from
Peace, Love, Butter, Spread it.
Labels: candy, jazz, let me fall
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
rundown of 10.07.09
Woke up an hour late which resulted in 45 minutes late for Psyc. Good news? I have an A in the class! Bad news? The midterms are next week.
Went home and realized that Pho (Bell's fish) went to the special fish farm :[ RIP Pho. I mourned for about 10 minutes to my mother.
Then started to clean my closet cause I had to find the Red Mango shirt from the beginning of the summer. BECAUSE! today was training day one!!!
After I finished cleaning my clothes, I decided to take a 20-30 minute nap... apparently I decided to over sleep again. So I ended up with an hour of nap instead of 30. Made some lunch and didn't leave the house till 2:50 when I have to be there at 3:00. Where's this Red Mango? Off the 60 freeway Nogales exit... I got there at 2:55. Don't ask how.
Red MangoFirst I met Gabe who's one of the supervisor, he's really nice and cool. Then Jackie came and she's the one that's training me. I met her during the interview back in the beginning of summer. It was fun. I learned how to make the teas, cut fruit, and swirl the yogurt. I'm totally yogurted out though. Gonna have my second and last day of training on sunday, then I'm on my own!
After Red Mango I head on over to the bratty spoiled 3rd grader's house to tutor him. He was mellower today cause his dad totally screamed at him right when I got there. AWKWARD! I seem to always find myself in the middle of someone yelling at someone else. Oh wells. Arrived back to mi casa at like 9 something. Now I am more than ready to crash.
FUTURE BLOGGING UPDATES: I've officially made Fridays my, Five Fun Fact Friday! F4 bite me.
Weekend starts 9:35 am tomorrow!!!!
Peace, Love, Butter, Spread it.
Labels: fish, late, red mango, tutor, yogurt
Because of You
Patty said something about her intensive blogger friends doing weird posts like... "Thankful Tuesday" waaaaay cheesey! But hey, what the hey lets do it.
PatriciaMRMullen said that she's thankful for her Charles and I'll say, I am also very thankful of my Charles and Bellers. Though they may be different in many ways, it is the way that they put up with me, and the friendship that they offer me that makes them beyond extraordinary.
Rebella is a long-time friend. She basically knows my past and present. We are brutally honest with each other. Borderline friends, borderline sisters. And apparently we are essentially the same people (Rebecca Liang) awesome! We might be friends for life... my future husband has got to deal with her.
Charles is a different type of person. He's way logical and has no emotions (kidding, he's a sensey) C's a nice person to talk to when you wanna reminisce about the past like Digimon and Pokemon. And when you just want someone nice to talk to when you're looking for some logical answers to some questions.
Needless to say, I am lucky to have two people to be thankful for this Tuesday.
Peace, Love, Butter : Spread it.
Labels: friends, thankful, tuesday
We Build then we Break
For the second week in a row, Bella, Charlie and I have tried to keep goldfishes alive for more than a week. It's my turn to keep and so far, they're doing real well on day 3! I just changed their water, but not completely... I will definitely take them out and wash the bowl tomorrow if I have time. Though they're only 13 cents each and just plain goldfishes without names (except OJ), doesn't mean that they would be missed less. The fact that they're nameless doesn't make them less of a fish. Each of them already has a name and differences that lets me know who they are. OJ is the complete orange fish with a BIG, white tail. Another one has a white body with orange fins and tail. And the last one is white with an orange spot on its head. The fishies are picking at something on the bottom of their bowl right now... it's kinda freakin' me out cause I don't want to over feed them... I really just want to keep them for more than a week this time.
Good luck guys!!!
kami
Labels: goldfish, orange, white
Let that be Enough
I am going to be honest and completely me in these next few moments... I've forgotten the meaning of sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, hope, joy and love, and probably a lot more things.
Do you remember during summers of grade school when you would just forget everything you learned during the school year? Well, my summer began a long time ago and it is just not coming to an end. The longer this carries on, the more I am forgetting. When ever I find myself in the silence, the gears in my head seem to turn and I will just look back on the past few days and point out all the mistakes that I've done. I often find myself pointing out the times when I've been selfish or unloving to the people around me. I am constantly faced with my own words telling me to be a better student, friend, daughter, or person. And it's so hard to even ask for forgiveness with a whole trail of mistakes lined up right behind me.
I don't remember the last time I worshipped wholeheartedly. I know I want to. I want to be able to feel God's love again, to be amazed at the fact that He died on the cross for me. To know that He forgave my every sin. And know that even though every part of my life is falling apart, He's the only one that is able to keep me together. I'm sorry, I don't have any of that as of right now...
And now here I am, 2:30 AM with a stomach full of grande raspberry white mocha and eyes that are wide awake, a mind that wants to crash more than anything. Oh yeah, and an upset stomach. I don't even know why I'm posting this...
wish me luck, peace.
Let me know that you hear me, let me know your touch. Let me know that you love me, and let that be enough.
love-"it's the closest thing we have to magic."Labels: forgiveness, God, hope, joy, love, sacrifice
Falling Over Me
So I went to Red Mango yesterday and it's official that I'm gonna be working 8 hours a week. Not much at all but I'm totally fine with that. I'm excited to work with yogurt, it's like my passion!
Yesterday Bella and Charlie came over for some shrimp and brownies! That was the third that I had shrimp this week, and I'm still not shrimped out. We got three fishies!!! this is our 2nd try... I'm taking care of them for the duration of this week. My mom totally stuck a bamboo in the bowl because she said that they need plant. Oh Erhna. We didn't really name the fish because incase they go belly up, we wouldn't be so attached to them. Bella and Charlie came over after cell and quicklys and we just looked at my baby pictures for like several hours hahahah and I told stories that they could care less about. I'm sure they hate me and my childhood now.
This morning I woke up dreading the tutoring of the kid. He's really weird and he needs to stop being stupid. All he cares about are dinosaurs and science... it bugs me. And it took him an hour just to finish reading a chapter!!! In the end, it was me reading and asking him questions. Shoot me. Moon Festival today!!!! I have to eat with my family.... I don't get why I have to eat to the moon being super round and big. I don't worship the freakin moon WTF? right???
Peace
Labels: fish, moon festival, quickly
Dreams Collide
I wonder if one day people will be able to really, really interpret dreams...
I woke up this morning, after 5 hours of sleep (I think I've grown used to not having 8) feeling mad and upset.
I had a dream about Bella and Charlie. We were just hanging out like the norm and in the dream we go roam around the city. We end up in a Joanns store and Charlie decides to go get something from BMF. So Bella and I just walked around the store and the manager tells us not to open the candle to hear the music. (IT'S A DREAM) So apparently the candle sings, cool. Charlie comes back and the manager realized that he knew him from something. Turns out the manager was a woman, ummm she was my aunt. But she said that Charlie's her nephew... then we started talking about my cousin Daniel who's apparently tall. Charlie said that he says "Hi" to the family and we decide to go. And before we leave, Charlie takes a picture with my aunt, who's also his aunt. So I guess I'm Charlie's cousin. Then on the way out I said something mean cause Charlie was being a jerk the whole day then he called me a dumbass. And I eventually woke up and felt really sad and mad hahah but then I realized that it was a dream. THANK GOODNESS. What the heck is up????
Anyway, I'm going to Red Mango today at 2 to work out a schedule so hopefully I will be able to work there. mmhmm wwwwoooorrrrrkkk. So what's been goin' go? Life's confusing as hell, but I'm learnin' to deal.
fingers crossed for the job,
Peace
FYI: Charlie & BellaLabels: dreams, red mango, sleep, work
